Friends....

How many of us have them...

What an interesting topic right? By now I thought I wouldn't have these issues, I mean when you are 25 hell you think you have your lifetime friends and high school problems were long gone. Maybe this was just something I thought would have passed by now. I have parted with a friend that I have been cool with for 12 years, and even though this was the best thing for me I still wanted it to be a different turnout. I listen to my grandmother and she tells me how she has been friends with her best friend since childhood years and I guess I wanted that. I wanted my baby girl to see mommy around positive people that has been around for years. I wanted to share stories with my child about what we did when we were in grade school and high school. I guess I plan my life but things never go the way you hoped for. HA! My grandmother always told me if you wanna make God laugh tell him what you have planned for your future, and I'm sure he is rolling on the floor at me. LOL

HOWEVER, when God takes from you he will provide for you. I have about four ladies that I adore and I'm happy that they are in my life. Not to be corny but having these girl in my corner means the world to me. Jossi, Patreesha, Shalaya, and Wytchen have lifted me when i needed them the most. AND I will share with my baby girl the things we did but when she becomes old enough to understand... LOL because baby we did some things! I guess I just have a hard time with goodbyes even if the person meant me no good... hummmm its interesting how we can be sometimes. Its hard to let go of someone that hurts us... but easy to cut the cord on ones that think we walk on water. Why is this?

WIC

Honestly, this morning I am feeling like a hood-rat. Why do you ask? Well I have another WIC appointment today ( @ the North Central Community Health Center) and the questions they ask me are absolutely ridiculous. Just the name in itself has me wanting to cover my face while shamefully entering the front door. This is the only time you will hear me say this but I would rather walk through the back door in this building. So these people want to know everything about my lyfe, they want a damn current paycheck, they want to know where my "baby daddy" is. They want to know my whole lyfe story AND when they found out how how intelligent I am from listening to my story and hearing me speak "proper English" their attitude changes. Well that may be great for me but what about all the other women that may have taken a different turn in the road of education and didn't use their resources? Are they still looked down upon? Hell, I can answer my own question on this one. Humm (scratching my dry scalp) this is just embarrassing...  

I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKKK...

Okay so i thing the last time I wrote in here I was a damn lesbian... and even though I still am attracted to women, I have settled down and married my college sweetheart AND I'm expecting a little baby! YES, things in my life have moved fast and if you have something nasty to say about it.... FUCK YOU! LOL yeah I said it. Don't just sit there with the dick look on your face :-o. 

No but seriously, things have changed in my life. For those of you that remember LEZGIRL86, and my damn roller coaster ride with MARV, her X Eboni ( man looking bitch LOL) for 3 years 2008 -2011 (Jan 25 to be exact) just know that things are OVER.... I guess I already said that but hey I'm saying it again.

What happend? Well in a nutshell:

Things were very rough with us ( which they had been for a while) I believe Marv started cheated on me around October 2010 and I was lonely. Wasn't getting ANY pussy, and my pussy wasn't getting any attention....LOL... so I seeked elsewhere. My God brother Tyrone had gotten married in Oct and my college sweetheart Jesse was in the wedding. He was coming back in town from Chicago... after he graduated from SEMO he found a good job out there. Well we saw each other at the wedding, sparks were there ( always had been) and we started talking. I told him that I was in a relationship with a woman but things were really bad and he became a comforter... needless to say I spent the weekend with him and NOTHING happened folks... I was on the rag but believe it or not sometimes cuddling is better than sex. That is what we did... Now I know you might be wondering how in the hell was I able to get away for the weekend when I had a live in GF well when shit was rough we left the house making it easy to do whatever...and that was what the hell I was doing. In November and December he flew my out to see him in Chicago and he wanted to be with me and only me and I agreed. YES I was still with Marv but hell we were both gone emotionally. Marv and I were REALLY beefing around NYE, so I spent it with Jesse. Jesse decided that he would move to STL to be with me so NYE was like our celebration of being together. we had spent to weekend at the 4 Seasons and had gone to this really nice event... honestly I had never been treated like this by anybody and I said to myself its time to really let Marv go. SO Feb 1st I moved out of the apt that Marv and I shared for 3 years and started a NEW LYFE with Jesse. Yeah Marv and I had words.... we hated each other and i even questioned myself.. on if I should leave her and be with Jesse. I had a time leaving and NOT  wanting to return. Hell 3 years is hard to walk away from.... but I did and truthfully leaving her was the best thing I could have done. NOT saying my lyfe with Jesse is peachy on the peach farm but I couldn't handle Marv... and I couldn't be faithful. 

SO yeah I left out A LOT but those of you who have the privilege of being close to me know everything...

Present time: I am 19 weeks pregnant with a baby girl, and I have been married since Sept 28 2011, courthouse bound but the real deal is coming soon. Oh how my lyfe has changed huh? LOL I had a convo with my girl Jossi and she said dang Whit don't get all married and have nothing to talk about! HA! I wonder if she still thinks that because baby... Jesse and I gets down.... NOT sexually but baby when we fight WE fight. Hell divorce thoughts are always brought up by me... he is a manly man type of guy and I will not just lay down and let him walk over me. I will say that when you are married, different challenges come about, breaking up is the easy way out but not breaking up and figuring things out is some of the hardest shit to do!

(Breaking news the baby is kicking!!!!)

Anyway... Jesse has a past.. of being a lady lover and baby. Sometimes I can't handle it. Here's the deal yes right now I am insecure. I feel fat, unattractive, and OMG some of these girls are so "tempting" and I have seen the way he talks to ppl on Twitter it just ...well... makes me feel even worse. Yes ppl say that pregnant women are beautiful and blah blah blah but for a while I wasn't giving it up, and my abdomen just keeps getting larger. If you have never been pregnant just wait until you are in my shoes. LOL.... I will go into this much deeper as the days past but right now I think nature is calling. This little girl does the mashed potatoe on my bladder!