2:55 am

Where are my fucking friends gotdamnit! okay yes I know its damn near 3 am and ALL of my friends have lives...HUMM lives I have notice3d that this is something that I don't have. I have 3 friends Jossi, Shalaya, and Patreesha and even though their lives may not be where THEY want them to be at least they have a fucking life. Why am I in the fucked up mood you may ask? Its because of Jesse as usual.... It pisses me off that he is the only friend that I have here in St. Louis and he doesn't even act like he is my friend.

Lets visit this further... I have been under the weather lately, and have been getting very uncomfortable with the pregnancy, and the doctors thought I had diabetes. I guess I expected Jesse to take care of me more. Meaning come to the 2nd doctor's visit I had to once again take a glucose test that lasted 4 fucking hours.  However, the thing that grabs his attention is the xbox or the PS3 or this new sit com he watches called White Collar. Today he was off of work and all morning he wanted to watch this new sit com and I agreed because we said that this was suppose to be our day....well we watched this damn show until about 2 in the afternoon. We had gone to Denny's because I had this strong desire for pancakes but soon after that he brought me home while he went to the fucking Barbra shop. Now I knew we weren't gonna do anything because EVERY Thursday he has a flag football game. As usual his friends came over.... I looked myself in the bedroom to give him space. Only time I came out was to use the restroom or get something to drink. Well he shoots out the house doesn't look back to give me a kiss... I have to make him turn back around to say goodbye ( which pissed me off but I didn't say anything to him about it).

I texted him around 12 asking him to bring me a Sprite home.... no response. I text him again at 1:30 telling him that Winter has the hiccups... which she did and then he calls me. We talk for a moment, I ask him to get me a Sprite... he didn't wanna get it. Said he had to be at work in the morning... i told him that i really needed it. He said OK I will get it. I comes in the door smelling like smoke.... and he tells me he was lost in St. Charles for about 2 hours looking for a bar for him and his friends after the game... this lets me know that he was in the fucking bar when I texted him. I asked him was this the reason he came home later than usual smelling like smoke? HE said yes.. I instantly got pissed because you cant stop by a store to get me a fucking Sprite because you have to go to work BUT you can look for a fucking club for 2 hours... find the club... kick it with your boys.... come home around 2:30 am and everything is cool. Then he TELLS me not asks me that him and Gerald ( his best friend will be going to Dallas for Memorial Day this year) UM muthafucka our first child will be arriving at the end of APRIL!!!! When I said something to him about not getting me the Sprite but being able to hit the club, not hanging with me BUT hitting the club, AND planning a fucking roadtrip when Winter is JUST arriving..... he said all i do is complain. He turned his back on me and went to sleep. I have tried to call all of my friends to calm me down but no one will answer and I feel like ending it all. I know that sounds overly dramatic but I'm tired of being number 2 to everything. I wish I had the convenience of calling my friends up and spending the whole night out with them and coming home to nothing but sleep. Feeling as if I have no one to answer to even though I have a husband that is waiting at home for me.

I'm tired of waiting at home for him... only for him to come home and not be excited to see me or to talk to me. But when his friends call he is just one happy fucking creature. Do you have any idea how that feels??? Man o man.... what I wouldn't give for that broke love. You know he told me that when he is off he just likes to be at home.... I told him that he sure could have fucking fooled me! Because when his friends come around he is ready to get his fucking eagle on down. Why doesn't he wanna hang with me? Am I not pretty to him anymore? Have I lost my sexiness? Or does white girls in St. Charles sound more appetizing to him than a 7 month pregnant wife waiting at home for him to acknowledge her presence.

This is why so many wives cheat.... do you know I have not been intimate with my husband in weeks? Its not because of me... I have tried to seduce him... but he is always tired. I won't lie I;m started to feel like I once did... unpretty and fat. Only this time I don't have a side piece to tell me otherwise.

WHERE ARE MY FUCKING FRIENDS?????